


Chapter 6: The Way Back Home

by TruebornAlpha



Series: The Road Not Taken [6]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7839793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TruebornAlpha/pseuds/TruebornAlpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their love was a lie, their whole life together nothing but an illusion. Keith and Shiro have to pick up the pieces of their shattered relationship and decide how to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chapter 6: The Way Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> Final chapter of The Road Not Taken. Read from the beginning [HERE](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7665442)

“Is he awake?”

“How long is this supposed to take?”

“It’s been almost two days, is that normal?”

Shiro could hear someone speaking, but the words were distorted like they were miles away. He couldn’t grasp them, his thoughts too slow to understand anything but the noise. He didn’t hurt anymore and for a moment, that was more than enough.

The Altean healing pod slid open with a hiss of escaping air and Shiro stumbled, gravity suddenly too heavy and the light too bright for him to see anything. Hands gripped him to keep him from falling, and he sagged into welcoming arms.

“I’ve got him!”

“Geez, he’s heavier than he looks. What is he, like 99% muscle? Or are all his insides metal too?”

“Lance, stop it. Just help him sit down.” He recognized Allura’s voice, turning blindly towards her as his team lead him to a soft couch and let him sit before he embarrassed himself any further. Shiro scrubbed his face with his hands, trying to force his body to respond like it should. Everything was too heavy, but the pain was gone. 

“What happened?” He croaked, wincing at the harsh sound of his own voice.

“You almost died, dude.” Lance said helpfully. “But we saved you! Blue picked up your distress call, so you could say I’m your hero.”

“Why would he want to?”

Shiro’s head swiveled around, immediately drawn to Keith’s dry, unimpressed tone. Beside him, Lance sputtered and huffed, dripping with self-righteous indignation that he was all too ready to unleash on his unsuspecting victim, but Keith remained stubbornly impassive. He was still in his treatment clothes, holding himself a little ways away from the rest of the group, but his eyes were sharp and head held high. He looked straight through Shiro, like he wasn’t even there.

“You had a nasty run in with a  _Chupylian srarj_ ,” Allura explained, not unkindly. “A hallucinogenic- technically, it’s a plant, but it holds a certain degree of sentience that sharpens depending on its prey. It’s really quite terrifying. I thought they were only native to the Eritol star system. You two got out just in time.”

“A plant?” Keith replied stiffly, his posture straightened like he was standing at attention. “It was all the plant.”

It wasn’t a question, but Allura answered it like it was. “It has some telephatic ability, but mostly yes. Just the srarj.”

It felt like a dream, fading in the morning light. Even now, Shiro had difficulty recalling the details of his fantasy world, but he knew enough of what mattered.

Ten years! It had been ten years of his life in only a few hours, memories smudging and fraying around the edges as he fought to hold on to them. There were just too many to catch them all, every lazy Sunday morning, every time it started to rain on their daily run and they were soaked to the skin by the time they made it home.  _Their_ home, cluttered with a decade of stuff they’d blended together. He tried to grasp as many pieces of that life as he could, tucking them away to keep.

Shiro looked at Keith and felt an embarrassed heat creeping into his skin. He knew exactly what it felt like pinned beneath the other man’s weight, every inch of his skin, the way he tasted, thick and heavy, with Keith’s hands knotted tight in his hair. It was too intimate with memories built over a life together that didn’t exist anymore. Now they felt almost invasive, like he was privy to secrets that he had no right to anymore.

“I’m going to go change.” Keith said flatly, turning to leave as Lance pulled faces behind him.

“Oh come on, I saved both your butts out there today! Geez, what’s gotten into him? Why is he always such a-” He huffed as Pidge elbowed him hard in the ribs. “Ow!”

She ignored the mock outrage and frowned at Shiro. “Are you feeling okay? We were all really worried.”

Shiro didn’t know how to answer that. He knew what he should say and how to placate his team, but he could still see Katie with her long hair and flowing dresses, dirt on her knees and under her fingernails as she darted out of her brother’s office, carrying a pile of books higher than her head, a pair of safety goggles hanging from her lanyard. She and Pidge weren’t all that different, but Katie’s eyes weren’t so haunted. He missed that girl.

“I’m okay,” he whispered. “Time just past differently in the… there.”

Suddenly there were a pair of arms around him, warm and comforting, and Shiro sank into Hunk’s embrace, hugging back just as tightly. He never had to worry about breaking Hunk, even when the power in his arm wasn’t dormant.

“It’s a good thing you weren’t eaten by a plant, dude.” The yellow paladin mumbled, and Shiro’s heart went out to him. If he’d stayed on Earth, he could be running the Garrison’s Engineering Department in three years, more intelligent and more resourceful than even his older colleagues by far.

“I missed you guys.” The truth sneaked out with the slip of his tongue.  _I still miss you._ “Everything’s going to be okay now.”

And it should have been.

Normalcy returned with frightful speed, and every hour Shiro lost more and more of his fantasy. They’d taken to the skies again, but Allura had been suspiciously quiet about new missions. The team was suspiciously quiet about everything. They gave him his space, leaving Shiro with only his thoughts for company. No calls to meals, no training sessions to run. Shiro couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a break. At least not a  _real_ one. It made the castle feel too large and too small all at once, and if Shiro wasn’t careful, he’d stay locked away in his room for days on end. Shiro had to be careful. They were still at war.

He hadn’t seen Keith since the day they were rescued. That was almost a blessing.

His mind kept playing the lingering fragments of the hallucination over and over again and no matter how he tried to let them go, they’d intrude at the worst moments when his guard was down. A shower would send him back to Keith’s fingers against his wet skin, laughing as they slopped water all over their bathroom. He could be sparring with the Gladiator and suddenly find himself thrown on his back the first time Keith managed to execute a defensive roll. Even the squishy green goo that Coran was so proud of every night brought up memories, a thousand meals together, quick and casual, long and romantic, shared microwaved burritos on the couch with crumbs everywhere. 

It was hard to lose an entire life, even if it had been built on lies. Every night when he closed his eyes, he hoped he could find his way back there if only for a few hours.

But as large as the ship was, it was impossible to avoid each other forever. Shiro smiled and waved his good morning, but Keith turned away, retreating down the castle hallways. Shiro sighed and followed. If they were attacked, they would need to mend this rift, whatever it was, before they could work together as a team.

“Keith, hey Keith. Wait up?”

The Red Paladin froze, clearly uncomfortable as he slowly spun on his heel. “I really have to get going, I’m busy this morning.”

“It won’t take long. I just want to talk,” Shiro insisted, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. All he knew was that he missed having Keith by his side. They’d been friends long before they were lovers, and in this life (in his  _real_  life, a wicked voice reminded), Shiro had always been able to lean on him. Shiro may have lost his fiance, but he didn’t want to lose his best friend as well.

But it was only when Shiro watched Keith’s hands squeeze into fist that he realized how angry he was. Curled into himself and drawing away, like he did when he was a first year and desperately wishing he could control his temper before he said something he would regret. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Keith bit out, clipped and harsh. He wouldn’t meet Shiro’s eye.

“Please, I can explain.”

“There’s  _nothing_  to talk about. I don’t want to hear it. What part of that don’t you understand!”

His tone struck like a blow, and Shiro recoiled before he could stop himself. “You’re right. I should just… I’m sorry, Keith.”

Keith froze, back ramrod straight, and for one instant, he looked like he didn’t know where he was.  “Sorry?” His voice broke around the word, his mouth twisting into an ugly snarl. “Do you even know what you did?”

“I-I, I don’t know.” The question caught him off guard and Shiro flustered. He carefully held his hands out, keeping his voice calm to try and sooth his friend. “Whatever’s wrong, just tell me and we’ll find a way to get through it.”

“You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” Fury lit Keith’s eyes as he knocked Shiro’s hands away. “Don’t try that with me, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to do anything anymore.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help, you’ve done enough damage already. Why don’t you just leave me alone.” Keith spat as Shiro almost shied away from his rage.

“Please, just talk to me. If I did something to hurt you, I want to apologize and make sure it never happens again, but I need you to tell me.”

Keith laughed, bitter and cold. “It’s never going to happen again, you made sure of that, didn’t you. I was  _happy_ , do you get that? I had everything, Shiro! I never had anything before, not a home, not a life, not even a fucking family and you took it all away from me! Now I have this.” He gestured around to the castle, voice echoing through its empty halls. “Either we die out here and no one back on Earth will ever miss me, or we somehow win and go back home where there’s nothing waiting for me. Thanks so much for everything.”

He inhaled sharply, gritting his teeth. His eyes were shiny with tears that Keith would not let fall. “I had a home.”

There was nothing more heartbreaking than listening to Keith fight to keep his voice from breaking. Shiro turned away, embarrassed by the open longing on the other man’s face.

_You were my home._

The words danced on the tips of Shiro’s tongue, but Shiro’d broken his heart too many times already.

“It wasn’t real. None of it was real.” Keith spat, but it sounded hollow. “And I didn’t care. I wanted it so badly. I didn’t - I had no way of knowing…”

There was nothing Keith could have ever compared it to, Shiro realized. Their tormentors had struck him where he was most vulnerable, and where Shiro never believed he deserved his happiness, Keith had just been grateful to dream.

Keith scrubbed his hands over his face, slowly pulling himself together, but he was trembling, so faintly, Shiro wasn’t even sure he noticed. Shiro took an unsteady step forward, wishing with everything he had that he could comfort him, the phantom warmth of the other man’s body dancing out of reach in a memory Shiro should have let go. He would give it all up if he could make Keith feel better, but Keith took a step back, shaking his head.

The fight had gone out of him, temper fading as quickly as it had flared, and Keith was always ashamed of his outbursts. A lifetime of being berated for them had taught him well. No one ever liked the kid who lost his head. Good families didn’t know how to deal with problem children.

“I’m sorry I didn’t fight back. I’m sorry I couldn’t make the hard call. I’m sorry I’m not like you.” He smiled a little at that, but Shiro couldn’t find anything funny about it. “I’m sorry I yelled. I know they need us. I’m sorry, Shiro, for everything. I just can’t be near you right now. But I’ll work on it, okay? The team needs us to - to work.”

Keith managed one last brittle smile and turned, leaving Shiro standing in silence with his heart in his hands.

 

* * *

 

 _Idiot_.

Shiro paced the few steps from one side of his room to the other. He had been so caught up in his dream that he never considered what the plant had shown Keith. He’d been living in a world that gave him everything he’d ever wanted, how much more had Keith lost when he started with nothing? No wonder he’d been so angry.

He stopped in front of the mirror, scowling at his own reflection. This wasn’t his face, not the one he saw in his mind. He didn’t recognize the person staring back at him, if he even was a person after everything the Galra had done to him. His fist clenched, but he forced it down to his side before he smashed the mirror so  he wouldn’t have to look at himself anymore.

There was no way to get it back, he was a different person now. He couldn’t be the boy with all the dreams about space who slept through the night without screaming. The worst part was that it could have been real. He could have gone back to Keith before he left for Kerberos and told him the truth. He could have had that life.

Shiro sat down on the edge of his bed with a sigh, resting his head in his hands. A tear streaked down his face, splashing down to the floor followed by a second until he curled into himself with a shuddering sob. He hadn’t cried since the Galra had taken him and it was like a flood, loss and grief and anger all held together with pain. He sobbed until he was empty, curled on the bed and numb. He’d fought so hard to leave his paradise, but if he closed his eyes and remembered, then then he could almost wish himself back into that world.

The details were all but gone now. Shiro clung desperately to the few he could remember, quietly torturing himself by recalling old truths again and again. He created a forgery of the comfort that world used to offer, but what lingered in the place of his lost memories was the certainty that he’d been happy once. They would resurface when he least expected it, and Shiro wouldn’t know why something that had given him so much joy once, now made him feel nothing.

Shiro cried until he had nothing left, and surrender almost felt like peace. For a little while, that was enough.

It helped him think. He wasn’t ready to put himself back together, but he thought he could start. They’d still one. He’d torn his heart out, and hurt his best friend, but they were alive. They were safe, and there was no one else who could do what Voltron had picked them for.  And some day, he hoped that the man in the mirror didn’t disgust him. 

There was a time when he hadn’t felt so lonely. Even as Shiro longed for those days, he thought that he didn’t have to lose everything. There was no one else who could understand how much he lost like Keith would, and maybe, he could help Keith with the same. He had to try. For both of them. Not for the team, or the universe, but for the best friend he’d ever known.

It was just after dinner when he knocked on Keith’s door. He thought Keith would answer, but when the door cracked open, Shiro still breathed a sigh of relief. He held up a bowl of green goop, almost like an olive branch.

“Since you missed dinner, well, they didn’t have Chinese takeout.”

Keith looked at him for a long time, his brows furrowed, like Shiro was a puzzle he couldn’t quite piece together, and Shiro hid a smile. Keith couldn’t have understood. It was a quiet tribute to a life that was no longer his, to a man different from the one he met now, and Shiro missed both of them so dearly.

They weren’t the same people, he knew that now. The Keith that lived in his illusions had been a fantasy, all the best things he loved most about his friend and idealized by the alien that held his mind hostage. He hadn’t been the same either, he’d been the man he’d wanted to be. The one he couldn’t see in himself any more. But this Keith was still his friend, they were still a team.

Keith took the bowl of goop and moved aside to let Shiro enter, sitting down on his bed without a word. Shiro hovered awkwardly by the door, watching Keith make a face, but dig into the food.

“I understand.” Shiro said softly. Keith set the bowl aside with a sigh, suddenly not hungry.

“It’s fine, we’re fine. It was just a lot to process.” Keith deflected concern as deftly as he did a weapon. “Is there something you need?”

Shiro wished he could touch him, wrap Keith in his arms like he’d dreamed about, but he didn’t have a right to be so familiar now. He sat beside the other man on the bed, rubbing his thumb across his metal palm as he struggled to find the words. “Keith…what did you see?”

An uncomfortable silence stretched out between them as Keith scowled, weighing his commander’s request with his own broken heart. He finally gave in, always the good soldier. If he convinced himself that it was for the good of the mission, tearing apart his own soul was a small price to pay. “I had a whole life. I wasn’t alone, we had a house. It was just a normal life, Shiro, nothing special.”

“It was special to you. It was what you wanted, wasn’t it? That thing showed me the life I wished I had.”

Emotions played over Keith’s face, anger, despair, a longing that struck Shiro to his core. “Maybe it was. If my deepest darkest desires are some tiny house and a stupidly named dog in a tuxedo, then I’m the one with the problem.”

Keith laughed at himself. It was an unforgiving, mirthless sound, but Shiro didn’t hear him. His heart was racing, pulse beating in his ears, terrified that he could break the spell, but he had to ask.

“Shibro?”

Keith  _flinched_. Shiro wished he could stop, but it was too late now.

“It was really you?” 

Embarrassment carved across Keith’s face, until he could hide behind his anger. “I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t control it!” Keith was always fighting, but more often than not, he wasn’t fighting for himself. This time, Shiro wondered who he was trying to protect. Shiro found his hand, squeezed it just once, and Keith’s breath hitched, remembering the old gesture from another life, and he lowered his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “I wanted you to come back.”

“You were my co-pilot. You were always my co-pilot.” Shiro whispered, not daring to believe it. “And you… you said yes.”

The ring had fit perfectly, like it had been made for Keith. Shiro supposed it had.

“You’re my best friend, Shiro. How could I not?” A sad smile settled across his lips. “How could you have just given that up?”

Shiro swallowed thickly, remembering that it used to be his job to help Keith when he was feeling down. Shiro didn’t know how he could fix it, but he wanted to try. He’d left in the end, no matter how many times he promised he wouldn’t, and if Keith remembered even one of those times - he shuddered, remembering the dead weight of the imposter on the end of his arm.

“I couldn’t let you die.” Shiro reached for him, wrapping his hands around Keith’s and pulling him closer. Keith went to him, and it felt like hope. “The only thing I knew that was real was that you were dying and I couldn’t let that happen no matter what.”

“But we were happy.” Keith whispered, a quiet plea. He traced his fingertips down the side of Shiro’s face, scarred now and shadowed with pain. “I didn’t know it was really you or that we both saw the same thing, but we were happy. We’re dying out here too, I don’t know how you could have walked away from it. I’m not sure I would have.”

“How? You can’t just give up, Keith.”

“I’m not giving up.” He said, anger creeping back into his voice. “But I’m a soldier and I know that I’m not coming home from this war. You can always replace an arm.”

 _Let go, Shiro. One of us has to make it._ The older paladin shook his head, thinking back to how readily he had sacrificed himself. It felt like lifetimes had passed since then, but he didn’t think Keith would change anything, if given the chance. “It’s never the same, trust me on that. You’re more than just an arm.” Shiro leaned in, lips brushing Keith’s but not quite daring to kiss. All those memories, the whispered confessions, the life hadn’t been real, but they had shared it. Keith’s paradise was the same as his own. “I will never stop fighting for you.”

Keith jerked away, hands trembling and angry with himself that he couldn’t make them stop. Things were supposed to be clear, black and white, easy to understand. His heart was a mess, his thoughts just as scattered. He didn’t know whether he was going to cry or burst out laughing. “We had a second chance, people don’t get a third one. We can’t go back and make those decisions over again. It’s too late.”

“I love you.”

Shiro’s ribs felt too tight, bone twisting over his lungs, making it impossible to breathe, but Keith watched him now, and he couldn’t give up. He didn’t want to. “I wanted to tell you since I was drafted for Kerberos, and when I came back, when you  _saved_  me, I fell in love all over again. I trust you more than anyone I know. When I’m around you, I don’t feel like I have to be anyone else, even if… Even if this is all that’s left of me. And if you don’t want this anymore then I’ll understand, but Keith, you’re my best friend, too, and that’s why I’m fighting for you. That’s why I won’t stop.”

“Shiro…” In a moment, he was wrapped in the other Paladin’s arms, face buried in Shiro’s chest and holding tight like he was never letting go again. His voice hitched, sounding like he was near tears.  “I love you, Takashi. I can’t lose you again, I  _can’t_.” 

“I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I can’t change what happened or all the things I didn’t say, but I’m not going to let another chance pass me by again. I know we don’t have that life or our awesomely named dog, but you will always have me.”

Keith huffed a broken laugh, but he cupped Shiro’s cheek, looking up at him with a teary smile before pulling Shiro down into a kiss. It was tender and sweet, both so afraid of hurting one another. Scattered around them in broken shards were the memories of a life they never had but both desperately wanted, but they were picking up the most important pieces.

Keith sighed into the kiss, softer and more vulnerable than Shiro thought he could be. It was a new beginning with endless possibilities. Reality was so much better than any fantasy.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find Dans's awesome fics [here](http://nevertrustastilesthing.tumblr.com/)
> 
> You can read Rune's stuff [Here](http://fightingforthepack.tumblr.com/) and find her on tumblr at [ Runicscribbles](http://runicscribbles.tumblr.com)


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